This was a rather eventful, emotional week. In fact, with the stress of the week and the wild weather changes (it’s nearly warm today), I am officially sick as a dog, coughing, wheezing, and wishing that I’ll get better enough to go to work and my chiropractor tomorrow.
This week’s theme was all about daily routines. Not necessarily establishing them but seeing them for what they are. Every morning, I wake up and I do not put my mind toward the day ahead of me. Instead, I focus on right now. What am I doing right now? How do I feel?
On my way to running errands, I was asked to slow myself down, not hurry and think about where I am headed and what I need to do, but rather to walk at a calm pace and look around, seeing everything for it is in that very moment.
When I’m being helped by a customer service person, I am asked to take my time and look at the person helping me as a person, rather than the role they are fulfilling. The journal asked me to take one task at work and do it slowly, do it well, uninterrupted and notice how I feel. As we are constantly interrupted at my day job, I found this task to be particularly difficult to try.
Through external forces, I was deeply challenged this week to maintain my sense of self. I failed myself and people I care about by not being secure and strong in spirit and mind. However, through these failures I have been gaining clarity on my blind spots.
Today, I am feeling a bit broken, mainly because I am physically ill, but overall, I feel stronger and more self-assured than I did a week ago. Uncertainties aren’t taunting my mind and heart anymore. I’m clearer than before, but I do still have anxiety, knowing how easily I’ve become caught up in my own mind, in spite of all the work I’ve been doing. I don’t want to create any more needless damage or heart ache, but I know, at some point in the future, I will fail again. It is my job now to have the faith that the next time I make an error of expression, it will be less severe. I know I’m doing the work I need to do, for myself. That’s all I can do, really.
The mantra for this week comes from a quote from Vietnamese monk
Thích Nhất Hạnh: “Live the actual moment. Only this actual moment is life.” That has such a profound meaning for me based on my failures this week. Instead of living in the actual moment, my mind was everywhere else but in the actual moment. And the consequences of such non-action can be quite severe. You can ruin relationships this way.
My goals for the upcoming weeks are to a) slow down, b) look at things in the present moment, and c) live for the actual moment. If I’m ever feeling emotional about something or someone, I’ll immediately ask myself, “Is this the actual moment of life? Or is my mind somewhere else right now?”
Next week, I’ll be covering 10 minute meditations. This is where the real commitment and work comes in. “Don’t you know, you gotta’ make time, if you wanna’ live a great life?” 🙂 Have a mindful, healing, and peaceful week. I’m gonna’ go back to bed now.